Danielle Mills
Major: Communication

I remember distinctly the first time I walked into this room. It was June 2003, during my first campus tour. It had been just over a month since the tornado, and much of the campus was still a mess. I had already been shown Ely Hall, where we did not have to open the doors to get in because the glass had not yet been replaced. As we walked into the Chapel, I remember my parents looking around and asking questions about Chapel services and other activities held in this room. I remember that I almost immediately noticed the broken stained glass windows. Even though the windows were replaced by the time I arrived on campus in the fall of 2004, that brokenness is something I will always remember.

I think I hold on to that image as a reminder that it is okay to be broken. When I was in high school, I was a leader in my church community. I lead youth committees, I planned weeklong summer camps, I attended annual conferences. I thrived on that responsibility. But, for a long time in my life, I assumed that to be a leader in those organizations I had to have a perfect faith. I thought that I was supposed to have all the answers to the questions, not be the one asking the questions. I knew that I did not have a perfect faith or the answers to all of the questions, but I was too afraid that to admit it. To acknowledge this would mean that I was not a good or an effective leader. So, I went through the motions and acted like I knew it all.

When I arrived at William Jewell, one of my first questioning experiences was through the class all the first-years dread: The Responsible Self. I think that I learned more about myself through that class than any other I have ever taken here. I was expected to question all that I believed and took for granted. And I loved it. I finally had permission to ask those difficult questions and I took full advantage of it. I know many students hated that class because it required those questions and I have heard many students complain that this class was out to ruin their faith in God. However, it strengthened mine.

I think I learned one of my most important life lessons through this act of questioning. I think this is one of the most important things I have learned in college. It is okay to be “broken.” My faith life is not perfect and I am just fooling myself if I think that it has to be for me to be a good person. It is okay to have questions. It is necessary to have questions. If you are not or if you have not questioned what you believe, how can you really believe it?

As I work my way through my final semester at William Jewell, it's slowly but surely sinking in that I'm about to leave this place where I've become so comfortable. I have finally grown into my own skin and I am being kicked out. But, this is exactly what college is supposed to be about. I have been lead to the tools that have helped me figure out who I am and what I want from life. I’ve been taught to ask the important questions and learn from the answers.

I’m scared, and I’m anxious about the future, but I know I’m prepared as long as I remember it is okay to be broken and that I’ll never have all of the answers.