And that’s okay. But how did I get to this point? That’s what I will be describing to you this morning.

Although today I believe the technical lingo used to describe Jewell’s spiritual essence is “of Christian heritage” or “inspired by rigorous intellectual challenges and Christian ideals” when I first began looking at Jewell, it was not so far removed from that fateful day when Jewell split apart from the Missouri Baptist Convention, of which I had long been a member as the daughter of a Baptist preacher. However, I was assured by Jewell students and admissions counselors alike that the only thing that had changed at Jewell was the source of my scholarship funding. Jewell was still a Baptist-ish and Christian college; it just wasn’t supported by all the Baptists anymore.

So to Jewell I came, following in the footsteps of my older brother who had started at Jewell the year before, enthusiastic and confident. I was excited by the opportunity to reinvent myself in a place where people would no longer be afraid to come over to my house because of my father’s vocation.

I became involved in Christian Student Ministries at Jewell. As the college image and direction began to shift and move forward, CSM, as a college organization and main Christian organization on this campus, naturally moved forward along with the college. This makes sense to me, but at the same time, I often experienced feelings of being left behind in all of this change. If you know anything about Baptists, you probably know that change is difficult for us, and I felt this difficulty even in my own life.

I spent last year studying at Cambridge, and there I experienced something of the antithesis of my experience here at Jewell with regards to religious life. I became involved in an organization called the Cambridge Inter-Collegiate Christian Union, CICCU, whose mission statement was “CICCU exists to make Jesus Christ known at Cambridge.” I found such beauty in that statement, and consider it a statement that should be my personal statement, though it often isn’t. CICCU’s beliefs were much more in-line with my very evangelical background, so there was a lot of familiarity for me in that environment, even so many miles away from home. I also got involved in a Church at Cambridge that reminded me greatly of my Church in Higginsville—friendly people that genuinely care about those around them, with a desire and passion for God and sharing his message. The church I had been attending in Liberty I was felt like a bit of an outsider, so my church in Cambridge was a refreshing change. Even though I was a foreigner, I never felt foreign.

In the midst of all of my evangelic bliss, however, I began to realize something: I was not the same person whom I was when I started at William Jewell College. The changes were so subtle that I didn’t even recognize them as they were happening, nor could I put my finger on exactly what those changes were. All I knew is that the familiar conflict between liberalism and conservatism had not been erased by going overseas. I often felt myself torn between friends who were perhaps more interested in going to the pubs than in their spiritual journeys, or at least as interested in going to the pubs, on the one hand, and on the other hand the call for ardent conservative Christianity which said to be a Christian you must do this, and think this, and be this, and you are accountable for this, and here I was feeling like I actually belonged somewhere in the middle.

I talked about this to one of my British friends, who was absolutely a kindred spirit, and she expressed similar feelings and talked about how she had changed churches because she didn’t feel as though she could be the kind of Christian that her church produced; she would rather live freely as Christ made her to be. I was able to share in that joy with her of being uniquely who we were.

Returning to Jewell, I read The Grace Awakening, by Charles Swindoll. In it he says, “Grace also brings a freedom to do something else—a freedom to enjoy the rights and privileges of being out from under slavery and allowing others such freedom. It’s freedom to experience and enjoy a new kind of power that only Christ could bring. It is a freedom to become all that he meant me to be, regardless of how he leads others. I can be me—fully and freely. It is freedom to know him in an independent and personal way. And that freedom is released to others so they can be who they are meant to be—different from me.”

I discovered through reading this book and through my journey over the years previous that this was the answer I was searching for in my pull between two seemingly opposing forces. Christ died to set me free, and to live under no one else’s ideals but his own. I am not called to conform or even agree with the ideals of my college, a church, an organization, or the people around me. I am called to be like Christ. I am free to be who he meant me to be, not who he meant someone else to be.

At the end of this journey, do I still believe that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life? Absolutely. Do I hope and desire that others believe the same? Certainly. At the end of the day I am still an evangelical Christian. But I am free to live my life as God has called me to do, and I will give you that same freedom.