Margaret Street
Major: History / ACT-In

When I first was asked to do a senior reflection I struggled to find the right words, Should I say something profound? Should I just tell you my 10 ten list? Should I write a poem? Yet, if I could describe my journey at Jewell in one word, it would have to be commitment. …….a commitment to persevere, and a commitment to my faith.

I was blessed to be raised in a Christian family who is devoted to their faith. Both of my parents who are Jewell alums set a strong example for my three younger sisters and me by being active members and leaders in the church. At the age of nine, I made a personal commitment to Jesus Christ though it was not until the age of fifteen that I started to take ownership of my faith.

During my 4 years at Jewell, my journey has taken me from a wide-eyed freshman with a solid, but unquestioned faith to a senior whose faith is morphing, passionate, and messy. Coming in as a Freshman I, like many of us, thought I knew so much. That year I found lifelong friends who encouraged, pushed, and have kept me accountable in both academics and my walk with the Lord through out my four years at Jewell. Friends who were also willing to proofread my History papers or take a late Quicktrip run. The freshman bubble was bliss!

By the end of my sophomore year, my sanity started to crumble. I realize many of my friends and professors did not agree with me on spiritual matters. It bothered me! How could we disagree?

I was also socially overcommitted {which meant I was involved in CSM and CUA), and disillusioned as the pillars of my faith were being called into question. I started to feel shaky and doubted my abilities and my faith. Why wasn’t my leadership being effective? What did it really mean to have faith? What did it mean to be a Believer in Jesus Christ? Moreover, why couldn’t I find the answers I desired? Why weren’t the answers neat and tidy? Yet I was determined to persevere.

Later that semester I read Dietrich Bonhoeff’s book Life Together and I identified with his description of a serious Christian. Bonfoeffer states “The serious Christian,….is likely to bring with him a very definite idea of what Christian life together should be and to try to realize it. But God’s grace speedily shatters such dreams.” I had taken my own ideas of what a Christian should be and failed miserably to consult the Lord.

As I was talking to my mother that summer about my frustrations in faith, she told me that, “God does not call us to know everything. He calls us to listen and do. He will provide the words we need when we need them.” That July I headed down-under to the land of the Hobbits the University of Auckland in New Zealand to study for the fall semester of my Junior year. I rapidly learned what it meant to be a stranger in a strange land, and was quickly pushed by a girlfriend to get involved in the local Navigators chapter. In the Navigators organization, my eyes were opened to individuals who had messy faith, faith without all the answers, but individuals who were committed. I was reminded that living a life for Christ must be intentional, and is not meant to be done alone. I saw this later when traveled Australia and Navigator family whom I had never met opened their home to me and treated me as their own daughter. They took me in just as Matthew 25: 35 states, “For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty, and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me.” I realized this was the type of messy faith in action that I desired..

Returning to Jewell last spring, I tried to be more vulnerable and passionate about my struggle of faith. I realized that to follow Jesus in utter obedience was the closest taste to freedom I had ever found. Therefore, I was determined to be involved in a spiritual mentor relationship. I was blessed to find a spiritual mentor, in Dr. Schutte who encouraged and modeled vibrant faith in action. With this relationship, I realized one of the answers. I had to diligently seek others to take this journey of faith with me.

Finally as Senior, I hope to enjoy my last semester. I have embraced the messiness of faith and am not content for the ordinary life, but desire to question, research, act, and learn. Through the testing of my faith I have rediscovered that life is a daily struggle Yet is where this struggle of faith has taken me that makes glad I committed to so long ago at the age of nine. Though I did not give you my top ten list, my number one point would be, that I readily acknowledge I do not know it all or much at all... that is ok.

I graduate committed to search.